An open letter to the CBE

Regarding the new assessment and reporting for 2014-2015

I am incredibly unhappy that the CBE is taking away a useful tool to parents, in the form of the traditional practices of reporting grades. The new assessment is too broad and does little to ensure that our children learn to show an appreciation for work ethic and consequence. Assessment for learning? In what career is a person assessed before they start their job? Certainly, when a person is first hired they are assessed to ensure that they meet the requirements for the job, but how does one advance once they obtain employment? They are assessed based on their performance and should their performance lack, they have a consequence; either they remain in their current position or they are fired.

Assessment for learning does not teach our children to perform at their best; there is no tool to reward a child who works their hardest and no consequence for a child who does very little and, more importantly, no way for parents to ensure that our children are performing as expected. A grading system that is essentially four, twenty-five percent blocks is far to broad to get an accurate representation of the strengths and weaknesses of our children; both are equally important to parents. We want to know the areas in which our children excel and the areas that require remediation.

For example: I have a child who is not only gifted, but also has ADHD. Based on his intellect, his 85%, is the average child's 65%. Due to his ADHD, however, he often misses handing in assignments and does poorly on tests due to a lack of attention and focus in class. Based on the current model of grading, I can easily monitor his grades to ensure that he stays on task and his grades reflect his "average" of 85%. If his percentages start slipping, I can evaluate his homework practices and study regimens to ensure that he is learning to develop a good work ethic for the future. Under the new assessment, his "average"should be a 4, but there is no way for me to ensure that his grade remains at his average. He could easily slip to a 3 or even lower before I could step in to ensure that he stays focused and on task. I also worry about how this grading system will effect his transition to high school. If we consider that his average should be 85% and he struggles to maintain a 4 under the new system, does that mean he will suddenly become a student who's average is now 75%? Who will take responsibility for creating a generation of students who could have been A+ students, but who are now low B students? Will the CBE?

Let's use another example of how the current grading practices benefit students. How about a student who is an average student of 65%; a nice solid C student, but one who works exceptionally hard. Under the current system, that student can see their hard work pay off in the form of an increasing percentage. Under the new assessment, where is the reward? That student can work at their most diligent and still only ever achieve a 3. So why work hard?

Instead of rewarding children for their hard work, the new assessment is stifling their ability to excel and stunting their achievements. The CBE is removing parents' ability to ensure that our children work to their potential, at a time in their development when we, as parents, have the greatest impact. How much impact will we have when our sixteen-year-old, high school students emerge from this new assessment model into mediocrity; created by the CBE.


Regards, 

A concerned parent. 



For more information on the new assessment and reporting please go to the CBE website, HERE. The CBE is removing the existing grading system of percentages and replacing it with the numbers 1-4 (SR, support required; EM, emerging strengths; EV, evident strengths and EX, exemplary strengths). They are also moving away from assessment OF learning to assessment FOR learning (ie. what should we teach next?). 

Stop and think.

This post is inspired by something I overheard at school today (and yes, I did say something to the person who spoke and no, it wasn't one of my kids.... For once.....phew).



I need everyone to do me a favour.



When a kid throws a temper tantrum, or is overly emotional or behaves inappropriately in some way. Don't judge:

~ He/she could be having a bad day

~ He/she could have lost a family member

~ He/she might be going through a divorce

~ He/she might look like a seven, ten or fourteen year old, but actually be several years younger than you assume

~ He /she might be autistic or be on the spectrum

~ He/she might have ADHD

~ He/she might be gifted and have an intelligence to maturity ratio that is way off

~ He/she might have another special need or mental disorder that is not obvious

~ He/she might have any number of reasons for his/her behaviour that I have not listed, BUT

He/she is probably NOT a bad child with terrible parents.



And if you can't help but think it anyway.... Remember, nobody can read your thoughts, but everyone can hear you speak.


I'll hop off my soapbox now...Thanks for listening

Training them up right

It's the small things that makes one happy. I was happy to discover that it is, in fact, NOT against bylaws to have a clothesline in Calgary. I've missed having a line since we moved to Alberta, eight years ago. Lines are great for washing blankets and bedding (too large for the dryer) and there is nothing like crawling into a bed, freshly made, with sheets dried on the line. Besides, I can save the energy karma and use it to balance my use of a/c... right?

In order to ensure that my line is not an eyesore, I purchased a retractable one that can be hidden away when not in use and promptly taught Eli how to use it.

 

His future spouse had better thank me... a LOT.

 

 

 

Reminiscence

A cool thing arrived in the mail today. An Ego Book.

What is this thing you ask? It's a book of all of my Facebook Status updates from June 2009 to June 2012. Why does a person need such a thing and am I really THAT egocentric?? Yes and no....for me, Facebook has been the place where I share many of the funny things my kids have said and done and I, occasionally, like to reflect on them. However, it is incredibly difficult to sift back though six years of posts to find the ones I want.. When I found Ego Book, I knew my problem was solved. I thought I'd share some of my favourites here.

Posted Oct. 15, 2009: Chey 4yrs "Are you picking up what I'm putting on the floor?" in context when asking if I understood her

Posted Nov. 7, 2009: Chey 4yrs in response to me asking her if I could put a flower on the hat I was making her..... Chey "I hate Flowers!" Me "Why?" Chey "Because! They don't KILL people"... I think this obsession with dangerous creatures has moved from endearing to concerning......

Posted March 15, 2010: Chey 4yrs "Mommy, I feel seasick" Me "What is seasick?" Chey "seasick is when you're sick of seeing!"


And a couple of notes from the book I kept before Facebook

Spring 2005: Eli 3yrs... One morning when Dale was getting ready to leave for work (he worked out of town at that time, Eli asked "Daddy? Have you made enough money for Mommy yet?"

Aug. 2005: Eli 3 yrs.... During Eli's "why?" phase I used to say "why is not a real question, ask me a real question and I will answer it"...... Eli's response.... "why is "why" not a real question?"

Oct 2005: Eli 4yrs... One day Dale and Eli were playing together in the basement when I heard a sudden commotion and Dale appeared carrying Eli (who was in the midst of a temper tantrum). He carried him to his room for a time out and walked away. Once the door was closed Eli yelled "is that the best you can do?"..... I nearly peed my pants....

And to finish this glimpse into my children's minds... I will share a song I wrote during the same time frame as the above incident....a particularly, rough, parenting patch, which.... Fortunately for all of us, ended soon after this next incident which inspired a song... Based on a single true event and sung to the Twelve Days of Christmas.... I will share the eleventh verse only

On the eleventh stage of temper tantrum my child gave to me.....

A battle in the bedroom, a battle in the car seat, a high pitched scream, a half hour of crying, a ridiculous demand, a windmill punch, a kick in the shins, "you stupid poopy head," a bite in the ass, a bruised husband and a headache for all to see......


 You have to have a sense of humor to be a parent.... This much I know for certain.

Juxtaposition and clarity

One of the things about parenting that occasionally surprises me, is how much time I spend, either being sad about a stage left behind, or looking forward to a new stage, with the occasional burst of panic about where the time has gone. When this happens I have to mentally give myself a shake and a stern talking to about enjoying the moment. Chey insisting that she hold my hand all.the.damn.time. gave me such a pause earlier this year. I had to stop and remember that it would only be another three seconds until she wants me to drop her off around the corner so that I won't embarrass her (ask me whether that will work... Or better yet, ask Eli... Or Devin... They both know that I am fully capable of unleashing public displays of affection as a disciplinary tool).

It was with great pleasure that I absolutely REVELED in a "stage/age" this weekend. We went mountain biking.... In the mountains! And there was no whining or complaining about comfort or distance  or lack of electronic devices (a few sour remarks about trail conditions perhaps, but to be expected from a kid who's used to paved trails for the most part). Instead there was a constant stream of "it's beautiful out here" and "it's so peaceful!" The trip was a test to see how the entire family (including the dogs) would handle such a trip and, after a 12 km (7.5 miles) round trip ride, I'll call it an unmitigated success. Kikx even enjoyed his basket ride (installed just for him.... I'd hate to leave him out of the fun just because he might tire sooner)... Our plan is to attempt the entire 42 km (26 mile) loop as an overnight, but I'm not sure we'll be able to fit it in this summer...we'll see how things look after our trip to BC in a couple of weeks....

Here are a few photos of the trip

This is how the dogs are with our without leash, biking or walking... they are awesome

Kikx in his basket, he didn't even try to jump out after being told to stay a few times and even enjoyed it once he got used to it, leaning into the wind and panting happily

We did get rained on a bit on the way back, but it was still a gorgeous ride

The perfect stage......

I'm Pissed...

Firstly, I'll apologize for the title of the post. I normally try to limit profanity on my blog (I save that for my closest friends, lucky them), but in this case, I feel it's entirely justified (and rather sad in that I called "pissed" profanity.... must work on using more piquant profanity for the future).

Secondly, I'll apologize for the lack of organization and probable tangents, random thoughts and lack of a point (along with my poor punctuation that is normally a part of my blog) that will be littered throughout this post...

This post is about knitting and more specifically a Cease and Desist letter (found in this article by the Gawker... the Ravelry link requires an account) that was sent to Ravelry last month ordering Ravelry to discontinue using the term "Ravelympics" for a competition which began with the Bejing Olympics in 2008 and continued with the Vancouver Olympics in 2010. This year would have marked the third "Ravelympics". An event where knitters from around the world enter competitions within Ravelry to better our skills while promoting, through camaraderie and friendly competition, the elite of the athletic world. Many of us feel that this is our way to also compete in the spirit of the Olympic Games and many more have only started watching the Olympics because they've joined the Ravelympics.

Apparently though, the USOC (United States Olympic Committee) feels that our event denigrates serious athletes . The following is a quotation directly from the letter:

"The USOC is responsible for preserving the Olympic Movement and its ideals within the United States.  Part of that responsibility is to ensure that Olympic trademarks, imagery and terminology are protected and given the appropriate respect.  We believe using the name “Ravelympics” for a competition that involves an afghan marathon, scarf hockey and sweater triathlon, among others, tends to denigrate the true nature of the Olympic Games.  In a sense, it is disrespectful to our country’s finest athletes and fails to recognize or appreciate their hard work."

This has set the knitting world on fire. Twitter is trending #ravelympics and knitting bloggers and other fibre artists are up in arms stating that they will boycott both the games AND the USOC sponsors (I won't be... I watch sports every two years.. Sumer and Winter Olympics... It's the only time I appreciate sports and I've loved the Olympics since before I started knitting.....) We, as knitters, are not necessarily angered about the trademark issue, if this is truly a matter of copyright and trademark issues, we can change the name of our games, but we do take offence to both the wording of the letter and the attack and insult to our chosen way to honour the Olympics and all it stands for. 

"For many, the Olympics represent the pinnacle of their sporting career.  Over more than a century, the Olympic Games have brought athletes around the world together to compete in an event that has come to mean much more than just a competition between the world’s best athletes.  The Olympic Games represent ideals that go beyond sport to encompass culture and education, tolerance and respect, world peace and harmony." (another quote from the letter... I didn't realize that knitting was so anti-"culture, education, tolerance, respect, world peace and harmony".... Those millions of knitters who craft for charity (including the Special Olympics!) are pure evil)

 And here is my first tangent.....

WHY is the world "Olympic" (and any derivations of the word) even trademarked??? I think that is on par with Trademarking the word "traffic jam" or "sports day" or enumerable other as events that have occurred throughout history. The actual Olympic games (Ie: London 2012, Vancouver 2010 etc. well as all images used for the Olympics) I understand... Those are specific events and images that belong to the Olympic committee of whichever country is organizing and the IOC,  but the original Olympics were created in Ancient Greece and the term "Olympic" is used world-wide for anything from mountain ranges to restaurants to sizes of swimming pools to yoghurt etc. According to this article: The USOC was granted the trademark in 1978 congressional act to take down the GAY Olympics. That isn't the last time the USOC has worked to make an organization change their name. If you google USOC and trademark, you can find everything from the Ferret Olympics being forced to be changed to Ferret Agility Trails to the Caveman style Ugh-lympics (here is a good article about a bunch of forced changes). There is no point other than WTF to the above statement... I'm not a lawyer and have no experience in such matters, but it seems to me to be a matter of common sense that the word "Olympics" should not be trademarkable  (I know it's not a word), but that all images and specific games should be. 

and back to why I'm pissed off..... I ruminated over the reason for my anger all of yesterday afternoon and evening, when it occurred to me, that the reason that I'm REALLY pissed off is because, once again...... I feel undervalued as a woman, a stay-at-home-mother and a fibre artist/crafter. That letter, insulting something in which I find enormous value and satisfaction as a human being, is the proverbial last straw.

1)  Women still do not have equal pay for equal work and that's if we can even get the promotion in the first place (How many CEOs are women??). Women can not even say the word "vagina" without getting a smack down and you can bet your ass that if a man had stood up and said a male version of the same thing, but replaced "vagina" with "penis" the entire male portion of the senate would have stood up and clapped...... 

2) As a stay at home mother, I also feel extremely undervalued. My choice (which, thanks to the hard work of stronger, better women before me, I can say is a CHOICE not an expectation), to stay at home to raise my children is not seen as real work. It is neither valued by the government, future employers (let's see how easily I get a good paying job when I enter the workforce after 20 years of staying at home),  nor by many working parents (and there are many other working parents who do value parenting regardless of how it's done and do a fantastic job in their own roles as breadwinners and parents.... it's all about choice and I don't give a crap about what your choice is, as long as you respect mine). I volunteer at both my children's schools enough to know this last statement is true... It is the parent volunteer who ensures that Mommy & Daddy have nice presents for occasions... It is the parent volunteer who ensures that children can go on field trips or is enriched in the classroom... it is the parent volunteer who ensures that the children have special lunch days and sports days and graduations and awards ceremonies and dances and knit club.... It is parent council (run by both working and SAHMs) who provides funding for smart boards and iPods and cameras for the classrooms and other "extras" not provided by the school board (that most other parents are not even AWARE are NOT provided by the school board... I know I didn't know before I became involved). It is the parent volunteers who run fundraising events for said council and the schools (and I know there are tons of working parents who take time off their jobs to volunteer and thank goodness they do,  but the vast majority of the volunteers are the SAHMs). I have been shocked by some of the comments I've heard said by some working parents. "I don't have to worry about potty training/manners/social skills etc. because the DAY HOME/school will do it for me".... "My child isn't learning to read and it's all the school/teacher's fault"  ..... " I send my child to school to do "insert learning/behavioural item here" so I don't have to"...... I have also been (for a very short time) a day home where my time was not valued I was treated very poorly by my "employer" because I clearly had nothing better to do than to take care of their child for 10 hrs a day for $40 (including food). What I do as a stay-at-home parent IS valuable, both to my own family and to yours.... don't put me down because of it and recognize that I also give kudos to those parents who work outside the home and are still fabulous parents... again, it's about choice and mine is just as valid as yours.

3) And finally, I feel undervalued as a fibre artist & crafter. Non-knitters often make comments like "I don't have time to knit" (how much TV do you watch?? That's when I knit) or "I don't have the patience to learn" (I wouldn't say patience is my own strongest character strength and if my then six year old ADHD son can knit a hat for himself...  you really have no excuse... be honest and say you don't WANT to learn). I have often been asked to knit something on commission and have been offered the generous amount of $50 if I would please knit "that sweater/gloves/hat/scarf/shawl you are wearing" and when informed that I can't even buy the yarn for that amount... well, people's expressions are pretty transparent .... The Yarn Harlot has done several posts about the undervaluing of the perceived "women's work" crafts,  knitting in particular (and how we undervalue ourselves as knitters in the guise of "Knitters are nice") and she is a far better writer than I, so I will quote her from this post:

"This is an interesting thing to do, considering that we so often complain that we aren't taken seriously as artists or skilled people, and that knitting remains largely undervalued. (We're back to the excellent larger question about women in general again, but I'm resisting.) This desire to make everything we do seem easy, our uncomfortableness with the recognition of our talents, it's a unique approach. Do you think this is something other people do with their skills? Do lawyers say "It was nothing"? Nope. They say "That's $250 an hour. It took me a long time to learn how to do this." How about National League Hockey players? No way. They cop to working out and practicing hours and hours a day. Artists don't say "It was easy." they tell you how they got there, and then because they have respect for their efforts...so do we."

And this blog post sums it up even better.. seriously, go read it.... I was going to get some quotes, but the whole post is worth reading.... 

Basically, the point of this whole post is that it doesn't seem to matter how far I think we've come as a society with our attitudes towards women.... All it takes is one Man (intentional capitalization) writing a legal document to remind me that we have a lot further to go yet...... 

as a final note... it is not my intention in any way to disparage working parents. I hope I was clear about that in my number 2 (ha! potty humour is always fun). There are just as many SAH parents who are crappy as  there are working parents, but I know you aren't one of them...... 

Edited to add: The USOC has apologized for giving offence....  

Things Kids Say.....

Kids are funny. We all know it, but how many of us write that stuff down??? I do. Not all of it mind you, but I have been writing a few things down since Eli first started to talk and with the advent of Facebook, many of my status updates involve funny stories about my children. Why stop the embarrassment there, I say!  Parenting is rough, but these sparking, hilarious moments make it all worthwhile and sharing them is pure payback....With that in mind, I've decided that, once in a while, I will pick something from the past to share about the funny/touching (mostly funny) things my kids have said/done. The story may be from my book (I literally started a book before Facebook for these moments) or it may be from Facebook, but I hope that it will make you smile as much as the original occurrence has done for me.

My first story is one of the most humorous. It happened when Eli was just under three years old, shortly after he had been potty trained and we were moving from Williams Lake (a small town in central BC) to Edmonton, Alberta. It's a long drive between the two cities, 12 or 13 hrs, and I never expected Eli to last the entire way. To avoid any messy accidents in the car, I explained to him that he was going to wear a pull-up for the drive "just in case".  Our first stop was only an hour out of Williams Lake and both of us took the opportunity to use the washroom. Our next stop was 4 hours later for gas, but he didn't need to go at that point, so we kept driving. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny, early summer day and as we drove over the Yellowhead Hwy towards Jasper, the views were magnificent. Eventually, Mount Robson began to loom on the horizon (hour 6). It was such a gorgeous day that I decided to pull out at the Mount Robson sign for a picture and to let the dog have a run around and pee. It was at this point that Eli informed me "I go PEE!" I looked around quickly, but no bathrooms.... no outhouses...  nothing. Now, here is a little fact about having boys that I have never read in any kind of parenting book (even the funny ones)........ and hadn't even considered up to that point because the men in my house are sitters (the deal is "sit or clean toilets, your choice Dude"). Here it goes.... are you ready??? When your son first learns to pee standing up, you must teach him to hold his penis to aim. In order to facilitate this process you will have to do it for him.......This is probably not that big of a deal to the parents of standers, but as I mentioned, we are sitters and this was Eli's first attempt at upright urination.  I took a deep breath and prepared to help him aim, only, he wasn't having any of it. He kept swatting my hand away and was starting to cry because he wanted a toilet. I gave up on the standing and tried to have him sit over the barrier with his bottom held into space, but the rough concrete on his penis wasn't helping the situation at all. We tried various other torturous/creative ways of sitting, but nothing could get him relaxed enough to let go. Finally, after 10 minutes of crying and frustration (and not only from him) I explained that he would have to use his pull-ups like he used to ("I NOT A BABY") and we would just change him when he was done, but first I wanted a picture of him and the dog in front of the sign. Here is the second thing I learned that day...... when taking a picture of scenery, you rarely notice the small details of the picture in the quest for the unified whole......

I set up the dog and Eli to take the picture and stepped back to ensure the quintessential Mount Robson photo. Mountain and sign, child and dog, blue skies and puffy white clouds, all were perfection. I snapped a picture. I snapped a second picture as insurance. I lowered the camera and saw, to my horror, that my darling, 33 month old son had made a final attempt at urinating in the vertical. He had clearly been holding it for a very long time as his stream was magnificent . He stood there and voided his bladder on a national monument with busy summer traffic streaming past and he was PROUD....... I had enough time to leap the several feet over to him to try to avoid the impending mess (He was NOT aiming), but I was too late.... We spent the next several minutes cleaning up. A change of clothes (there was nothing to be done about the shoes, I'm afraid) and the sloshing of water over the concrete slab he had been standing on were required, all while in a futile attempt to avoid the paroxysms of laughter that were attempting to impede my task.  I spent the remainder of our trip (6 hrs) bursting into uncontrollable giggles at random moments.

It was only when I was telling Dale about the story that I thought to look at the pictures........

The final lesson learned from that day..... Once your son has learned to stand up to urinate, you must teach him not to pull down his pants whenever he feels the need.... Like standing in line to pay for a membership at the swimming pool....... for example.

ADHD.... the continuing saga....

It's been a while since I posted about the house where ADHD lives and I thought I'd share some of the current struggles (and successes?)


Eli is off his meds. We had really good success with medication early on. If you've been reading this blog since the beginning, you'll recall that he was diagnosed with ADHD and giftedness (ask me which one causes more trouble... you'd be surprised what the answer is.... hint... it does not start with "A") in Grade One and after much research and stress, we opted to include medication as part of his treatment (I hate that word.... it shouldn't be 'treatment'... it should be something like 'life skills tool kit'). We started with 18mg of Concerta (a long-acting form of Ritalin... sort of) and it was amazing how much it helped Eli maintain his focus. All of my worries and stresses about his diagnosis and the medication were gone.... As time marched on and Eli grew, we had to increase his dose, first to 36mg and then to 54mg. Once Eli was at 54mg we started to notice that the side-effects were outweighing the benefits (lack of appetite, inability to fall asleep and evening re-bound were the main ones) and reduced his dosage back to 36mg, but it just didn't seem to work that well any more. Concerta is supposed to be a 10-12 hr medication, but we noticed that it would only really last for 5-6 hrs and when it wore off, he would re-bound dramatically (think ADHD on steroids). We began discussing alternatives with his doctor and in the end, decided to try a new medication that has only recently been approved for use in Canada called Vyvanse. Vyvanse is a difference class of medication from Ritalin and is closely related to Aderall. Vyvanse is a 24hr medication and is a prodrug, which means that it won't work unless ingested, which is supposed to help discourage addicts from mixing it in with other drugs and injecting it, but I digress. It seemed to work really well for about 4 months and then we started to notice a few weird little..... things..... He started to pick his face to the point where he would have big cold-sore looking holes all around his mouth, for one,  and he wouldn't leave them alone, so they wouldn't heal. My first thought was to increase the dose to decrease the fidgeting that was causing the picking and to that end we did...... and it worked (although the doctor did say that the picking could be caused by the drugs and to watch him closely)... for a few weeks..... but all of the behaviours returned and he added a couple of new ones for good measure. He escalated his penchant for verbal disagreements (that's my fancy way of saying that he was a MOUTHY little..... uhhhhhh... you fill in the last part.... ) and began exhibiting almost manic hyperactiveness in the evenings which made his old re-bounding seem like a quiet day at the beach. Then one day, he was quiet (relatively speaking... even quiet, both my kids are about 1,000 times louder than any other kids I know).... kind, helpful and sweet, with only the normal amount of disagreeable backtalk that I was used to (and expected from a 10 year old boy who is probably smarter than I am).....  and I thought to myself... if only he could be like this EVERY day, challenging, but not strait-jacket inducing.....  When I tucked him into bed that night he looked at me sheepishly and told me he had forgotten his meds that day (I gave him responsibility for his meds last spring and he has only forgotten to take them 3 or 4 times since then, that's a 98% success rate... pretty good, I'd say)...... the little lightbulb in my brain went on and I spent some time reading about the rarer side effects of the drug. At that point,  I decided to take him off his meds until I could speak to the doctor.

Honestly, I haven't noticed much difference between off and on (once we were over the rebound days.... I don't like saying withdrawl)....and the things I have noticed have been mostly positive. He's stopped picking his face and he's more consistent in his energy levels (which are higher, I'll admit... but not manic). His teacher says that he's mostly paying attention at school, with occasional parts of the day where he can't seem to focus. He does fidget a LOT more and is back to making his weird noises, but we're going to try some focusing exercises at home to see if we can't do some mental retraining and help him to learn how to manage his ADHD.....

One of the things we're going to try is an exercise where he will throw a ball into the air and catch it (small, controlled throws) while he focuses on what it feels like to pay attention. I will talk to him about how he feels during the exercise and we will begin with the word "focus" which I'm hoping will eventually snap him out of his distraction and get his brain focused on his tasks again. We will only do this for one minute to start and work our way up to (I'm hoping) 10 minutes or more.

Another thing we'll try are games where paying attention is crucial: "Simon Says," "What's in the picture (show a picture for a few seconds have have them name 10 things they saw in the picture)," "How long can you sit still and quiet" and working up to "Super Distractor (a game where you assign the child a task and time how long it takes to finish, while you do EVERYTHING in your power to distract him/her from their task)." I'm hoping that by spending 15-30 minutes after school with these exercises, we can start to give BOTH kids more tools to focus and concentrate at school..... because Chey has picked up quite a few of her brother's..... hmmmm... shall I say........ less appealing, attributes......

I also found a website that we might try, once I've done more research on it....

I've got my fingers crossed that these methods will work, but if not..... medication is not a bad thing and we all need to remember that... Even though I've read a million books, articles, forums and websites about ADHD and I am surrounded by it at home... I STILL carry some of the prejudices regarding ADHD and the treatments for it... And every once in a while, I'm surprised at how deep those prejudices are......

We will find the right combination for Eli..... someday......

A random kid post

I sometimes wish I had one of "those" kids. You know, the really quiet, smart, polite and super well behaved ones? The ones that work at school to their full potential, are helpful around the house without being constantly reminded and cajoled, are always quiet and polite and always, always use utensils and chew with their mouths closed...... I am sure they are out there, they must be, based on the side-ways glances I, still, occasionally receive when the kids are being particularly boisterous. Unfortunately, I do not have those children. Not for lack of trying either. I am strict (some may say overly). I problem solve with sticker charts, chore charts, timers, rewards, consistency and discipline. And I still don't have "those" kids. That's not to say my kids aren't great... 'cause they are. Chey is adorable, sunny, witty and bright. She can walk into a room and instantly improve everyone's day. She loves everyone and everyone loves her. Eli is curious, intelligent, funny, creative and sweet, but "those" kids, they aren't.

Eli, in particular, can be quite a challenge (I think I post more about Eli because he's past the toddler/preschooler age and moved onto a more complicated personality.. Chey is still developing into herself and has a lot of baby left in her... I'm sure that won't last and I'll post more about her soon or perhaps she'll be my "interesting" teenager). He has a particular knack for stressing me out. If it's not an emotional outburst more on the level of a four year old than an eight year old, it's underachieving at school or a chronic propensity for the negative. He worries about bees.... because if they die, we all die.... he worries about a comet hitting the earth... he worries about H1N1... he even worries about the bubonic plague and is glad that Alberta is "rat free", hopefully keeping an imminent outbreak at bay. He's a complicated kid.... but he's also sensitive (when it suits him), charming and quite witty (ask him to tell you a joke sometime.. he's got some good ones).... and I can see more and more of the nice young man he will become.....

and so... even if they aren't "those kids"... they're MY kids and they make it all worthwhile.....


PS. This is an older post (November to be exact) that I didn't finish and post for some reason.. and there is no particular reason that I'm posting it now, other than I like it more now than when I originally wrote it.... and it was time for a new posting...

That explains it!

It occurred to me, a couple of weeks ago.... that my daughter is nearly 4 1/2 years old. Yeah??? So?? You say to yourself... but you see, this was an important light bulb moment for me...... There are cute little sayings about how trying toddlers are.... the "terrible twos" for example..... but how often do you hear a cutesy saying about other ages???? I think there are no sayings because anyone that has made it passed the four-year-old stage (or other trying ages) with both parents and child still intact, is so relieved, that there is no *cute* way LEFT to describe it...... a two year old temper tantrum can be a sight to behold..... but even then, there is still an endearing element to it all...... after all, a two year old is basically still a baby, discovering how the world around reacts to him/her and reacting to the world in turn, but a four year old has already figured that out.... except now, he/she can effectively communicate and has VERY strong opinions to go along with it..... a two year old probably throws him/herself on the floor and cries dramatically, perhaps escalating to some hitting and throwing and maybe some biting... a four year old does that as well, but with some strong arguments, poor language and extra stamina and energy..... EVERYTHING can be a battle for a four year old.....

In our case, Chey skipped the terrible twos (so did Eli, for that matter)... and was the easiest, happiest, sweetest toddler. She did her chores, she ate almost everything, she liked to do things for herself, she didn't have temper tantrums (well, rarely... she did whine, but I wrote that off as a girl thing).... she was EASY...... then a few months ago, things started to shift.... she started to whine... a LOT more, she started to refuse to do her chores or argued about what she was supposed to do, she started calling me names or saying she hated me.... I wondered what went wrong..... that's when the light bulb went off...... Eli also turned at around the same age and we went through a period of about 6 months where I was at a complete loss..... I felt like the worst mother in the universe.... but we made it through and when I spoke to my friends, I discovered that all of their children turned at around the same age...... they may not have done the exact same stuff, but the age from 4-5 was the most difficult for almost all of us........

This was a relief to remember..... I am doing nothing wrong, she is growing and developing and the "F***ing Fours" are a big part of learning independence and developing personality.......

This Too Shall Pass........

Updates....

Wow! It's been 3 weeks since my last post.... I didn't realize so much time had passed. What have I been up to??? Being sick, mostly.... We had both a stomach flu (which I managed to avoid and Chey was only minimally affected) and a cold come through the house. I knew it was going to happen; both kids are in new schools this year, which means a whole new crop of germs to bring home to share with the rest of us.

We also been waiting for October 22, the date set for Eli's Tonsillectomy/adenoidectomy. I've been trying (in my own way) to have Eli's tonsils removed since he was 2. He had more than seven bouts of tonsillitis between 15 months and 2 years and we were referred to an ENT who said that although his tonsils were abnormally large, he would "probably" grow into them......

He hasn't.

Now he only has one bout of tonsillitis per year, but they have caused other problems. My latest mission to have them removed began when I read that enlarged tonsils (and the related obstructive sleep apnea) can cause many ADHD-like symptoms and that by removing tonsils in children that have been diagnosed with ADHD and obstructive sleep apnea, the symptoms of ADHD can disappear (due to improved sleep). Now, in Eli's case I don't think this will happen, I truly believe that his ADHD is the garden variety genetic version, but..... if his symptoms can improve once he starts sleeping properly........ need I say more?

To further this cause, Eli had an overnight sleep study done this summer at Alberta Children's Hospital and it was determined that he did indeed have moderate obstructive sleep apnea. Dr. Brooks (his new ENT) then recommended that his tonsils and adenoids be removed. The most interesting part of this for me, was that Dr. Brooks felt that part of the reason that Eli is so small (he's eight and the size of a small 5-6yr old) was also probably due to the obstructive sleep apnea. Because Eli never really settles into a deep sleep, his growth hormone release is restricted. Not only that, but it takes an enormous amount of calories to snore and toss and turn and choke in a person's sleep, which means even the few calories he does eat, get expended during his sleep cycle........

The surgery was Thursday and I didn't know what to expect. I had my tonsils removed when I was around his age and it was no big deal, but I, apparently, am unusual because everyone else I talked to said that the healing was brutal...... Eli also tends to be...... excessive.... in his response to pain..... The crying and screaming children in Day Surgery certainly didn't help settle my concern.... But, Eli went into surgery like a champ and came out..... fine. He said he didn't have much pain and the worst part was that he couldn't blow his nose. That night was difficult, but not because he was in pain... because when Eli is very tired, he can no longer control his emotions and he HATES (and I cannot emphasize how much he dislikes) medicine.... he would rather be in pain or sick than take any form of medicine... which is not a choice after surgery... he HAD to take it and the nurses came in every 4 hours to enforce the rule..... This resulted in out of control hysterics on Eli's part and frustration on mine (and the nurses) part..... Each time, the nurses were unable to convince or force him to take his medicine and I had to step in. That and the constant beeping and children crying and uncomfortable chair to sleep in made for a very tired Mommy, but at least I could be with him...... that's all that was really important. Now that he's home, he's totally back to normal. He probably won't even have any pain meds today (he only had a dose of Tylenol yesterday morning and night and a small dose of codeine, which was my decision, not a result of him being in pain) unless he complains of a sore throat or ear.... It's only day 3..... I think it's even been easier for him that it was for me.....




On the knitting front, I am nearly finished my handspun scarf for Syd. IF I had brought more of the yarn to the hospital, I would be done, but I didn't realize that I knit that fast...... I had finished all of the yarn I brought by about 4pm on Thursday..... good thing I brought a super-secret project along with me...... I even nearly ran out of yarn for that!










My test knit is also progressing. I am struggling with the sleeves, something is not working out.... I might chart the whole sleeve to see what the issue is, but I'm not motivated today..... It will be very pretty when it's done though.....

One of those days....

I'm definitely having one of *those* days as a parent today. I'm tired of the kids fighting and not listening and just being downright disrespectful and very thankful that my husband decided to take them both out shopping for a bit so I can breathe quiet air for a few moments. I don't even think I'm going to knit. I'm just going to have a snack and live in silence. I miss silence. I love my kids and wouldn't trade a single day at home for anything, but about once a month (hmmmm.... I wonder why it's once a month) it all gets to be too much. My son has recently been diagnosed with ADHD (combined type) and giftedness. His *H* comes out verbally and unfortunately that's when the gifted portion kicks in as well.  This means that for most of the day he is talking or asking questions about things that most six, almost seven year olds are not even close to being interested in. It sounds cute and he really is a neat kid, but some days it is literally like Chinese water torture. I've tried the "why don't you go and read about it in your room" tact, but that fails miserably. Inevitably, he flips the page in the book and then comes back downstairs with at least one or two NEW topics to discuss and ask questions about. So far this summer we've discussed plant classification and use (mostly flowers), different *ologists* (paleontologists, archaeologists etc.), weather, rock formations, minerals and gemstone classification and fossils to name a few. I'm tired and my brain hurts... :)

On the knitting front, I finished my porta-project yesterday. I have only been knitting socks for a short while, but I really enjoy them. I prefer simple, easy to memorize patterns, but I think for my next socks I'm going to do the Knotty or Knice socks, from the latest Interweave Knits. My next porta-project, however, is a top down skull cap for my husband. The first one I made him was slightly too big and not quite long enough. He still wears it, but did request changes for the next one. 

I'm still working on Eli's sweater. I should get the raglan part done tonight at bedtime, hopefully, I'll be done the whole thing next week sometime. 

Well, I hear the garage door so my moment of quiet is nearly over. I guess I'll go pack up to take the kids to the beach.... the beach is good.