How to make a cheesecake.

Step 1) Check the oven for drippings of previous baking/cooking. This step can be skipped if smoked "whatever-the-hell-that-was" flavour is desired.

Step 2) Use all the ingredients. This step can be skipped if a custard-like consistency and/or bland flavour is desired; try eliminating some of the cream cheese or vanilla, for example (or throw caution to the wind and skip both items...wheeeeeee).

By following these two simple steps, you can probably end up with a cheesecake that people will actually eat. Or you can skip both steps (exactly as recommended) and end up with whatever will be coming out of my oven shortly........

Or better yet, just take the $30 you will spend on ingredients and go buy some yarn. Everybody wins, that way.